Monday, August 23, 2010

Just a piece of a story.

Okay, so… I’ve been writing.   It’s really because of all of you!  You have all inspired me with all of your wonderful literary works.   I’ve never considered myself to be a writer, but after reading all of your awesome blogs and works in progress, I’ve decided that I want in on the fun!   And because I’m a “rip off the band-aid” kind of girl, I’m going to share!   
Here is an excerpt from my work in progress.   I know many of you are wonderful writers, so I’d love your feedback.  It’s a little long, so if you read it all, you must really love me.  Haha.  Here we go:
She heard the knock on the door, but she ignored it. She enjoyed her long showers, even though she knew she’d hear the complaints later from her roommate. It gave her time to think, and today of all days, she needed time.
The day had finally come, as she knew it would. And now, standing in the shower, the reality hit her. He was gone. She felt a lump forming in her throat, and she tried to shake it off. She had promised herself she would not cry over him ever again. After all, how can you cry over the loss of someone you never had to begin with?
“You are so stupid,” Autumn whispered out loud to herself. “You are so, so stupid,” she repeated. She could feel it coming, and she couldn’t stop it. She shook her head, and splashed her face with water. She never allowed herself to lose control, to feel anything for him anymore. What would be the point? What would it change? But on this day, here, alone in the shower, she had finally reached her breaking point. She let go of the breath she had been holding in, and with it, an outcry of sheer pain. The tears came quickly, and she sank to the ground, sobbing out loud. She buried her face into her knees and let the water run over her. She was suddenly flooded with a million emotions, feelings that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel. Sadness, pain, and worst of all, regret.
Looking back, Autumn couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t know Oliver. He was always just, around. Their mothers had been best friends for years, and they loved to tease the two of them about how they would someday marry.  Oliver was five years older than Autumn, and he loved to pick on her, he would mess up her hair as he would walk past, and would run laughing as she chased after him, screaming . Her mother loved to play the home video of her as a toddler proudly proclaiming “Ollie is my boyfriend!” She had loved him all her life, but Oliver barely noticed Autumn, at least not in that way, after all, she was just a child to him, just an old family friend.
When Autumn turned sixteen she began working for her father. Her dad owned a bakery, and after school Autumn would work behind the counter as a cashier.  It was a boring job, but she didn’t mind it so much, because Oliver worked there too. They began spending more and more time together, and it seemed to everyone that it was only a matter of time before their romance would blossom.
Oliver dated other girls through the years, and Autumn even dated other boys, but nothing ever stuck for either of them. Over the next few years, they grew closer as friends. They would talk on the phone for hours, go to lunch together, to an occasional movie, and even Autumn’s high school prom. He teased her about her “goody goody” disposition, and how young she was. He was a bad boy in all of the obvious ways, but Autumn didn’t care. She knew that someday he would settle down and be hers. They never spoke of love, or romance, and despite her best efforts, he never kissed her. But he told her often “you know, someday we’re going to get married, you’re just too young for me right now.”
And she did know, she knew someday they would be together. She figured as soon as she was older, that he would finally proclaim his love for her. She counted down the days until her eighteenth birthday, until she was finally an adult. She imagined him, showing up at her door, taking her into his arms, and kissing her in the way she had dreamt about for years. But sadly, that’s not what happened at all.
Her eighteenth birthday came and went, and nothing had changed. Sometimes she wondered if he even knew how she felt. Did he know that she was in love with him? It seemed so obvious to her, and to everyone else for that matter, but was it obvious to him? So many times she thought of just telling him. So many times she wanted him to just put her out of her misery, to let her know once and for all if they had any kind of future together. It was torturous, hanging onto a possibility.
The day it happened she had spent the night at his house. He still lived at home, and Autumn had stayed up late watching movies with Oliver and his mother, Donna. She fell asleep on their couch. When she woke up the next morning, she wandered up the stairs to find him rummaging through the refrigerator.
“Good morning,” she said, quickly running her fingers through her long blonde hair, suddenly aware that she must look like a mess. “I guess I fell asleep, thanks for letting me crash.”
“No problem.” He shrugged, pulling a milk carton from the refrigerator. He opened it, took a drink, and then put it back.
“Ollie! What have I told you about that?” Donna hurried in to the kitchen, swatting him on the back of his head. Oliver laughed, and quickly kissed his mother on the cheek.
“You know you love me,” he said charmingly. Autumn thought it was sweet the way he acted with his mother.
“Morning honey,” Donna gave Autumn a peck on the forehead, “have a seat, let me fix you two some breakfast.” Autumn climbed onto the wooden bench that sat behind their table, tucking her legs up under her.
“Ah thanks mom, but I have to run, I’m meeting the guys to play ball.” Oliver glanced Autumn’s way for the first time, “I’ll see you girls later.”
Donna looked at Autumn, then back at Oliver, “Oliver, you have a guest, don’t you think you could reschedule with the boys?” She eyed him carefully.
“Oh, it’s just Autumn, she doesn’t care, do you?”
They both looked at her.
“Oh of course not,” she said quickly, “I have to leave soon anyway, go play ball! I mean, you seriously need the practice.” Autumn laughed nervously and stuck her tongue out at him.
Oliver rolled his eyes. “Okay, see ya!”
And he was gone.
Donna turned to look at Autumn, eyeing her suspiciously for a few moments. She shook her head in silence, then began to make breakfast.
“You don’t have to make me breakfast Donna,” Autumn said quietly, getting up from her seat, “I really do need to get going.”
“Don’t be silly,” Donna replied, “you don’t have to be anywhere. Now sit and let me make you some eggs!.”
Autumn sat back down. She tucked her legs back under her and turned to look out the window. There was a butterfly right outside, and she began to stare at it absently. She wondered how long ago it had been merely a caterpillar.
“My son is an idiot.” Donna said suddenly, she cracked an egg on the side of her mixing bowl.
“What?” Autumn laughed, turning her attention back to the room, “You’re just now figuring that out?”
“I’m serious, he’s an idiot.”
She put down her spoon, and looked at Autumn. Autumn could see the pity in Donna’s eyes, and it made her suddenly embarrassed. Was she really as pathetic as she felt?
“He doesn’t deserve you honey.” Donna said quietly. “And if he can’t see how special you are…. He really is just an idiot. I love him! But he’s an idiot.”
Autumn felt the blood rush to her face, she looked down quickly and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to protest, to say that she didn’t know what she meant, but nothing came out. What was the point? Everyone knew she was in love with him. She sighed.
“Thanks Donna,” she whispered, looking up at her. They stared at one another for a moment, and then she turned back to the window. The butterfly was gone.


  1. I love it Ashley! What a great start... and I have had that same conversation more than once with my ex's mom, so I can attest to the validity of the feelings you described! ;)

  2. I really like this and I would LOVE to read more when you write it. :]

  3. I absolutely LOVE this! I want to read more too!!! :)

  4. i love this, it's wonderful :)

  5. I think you've made a great start with this -- I was very engaged and felt invested in Autumn's frustration. I love the way she uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. I can't wait to see what unfolds in the rest of the story!

  6. I like it. You take us deep into Autumn's thoughts and feelings. Which I feel like is the cornerstone of any must-read romance story. Looking forward to reading more.

  7. Cool story, does Autumn ever find her true love?

  8. Does Autumn ever find her true love?

  9. That's undecided..... I'm not sure yet if she does or not. : )