Saturday, February 27, 2010

Cry Baby Cry

This is a post I did about a month ago when I had 3 followers...haha.  

So since it's late and I'm lazy, I'm reposting!

So it's not news to anyone who knows me that I was a proud member of the drama club in high school. Okay...that's saying it lightly.... I was an obsessed, full blown, drama queen.

From freshman year on, my high school existence revolved around drama class and after school plays. I took my parts very seriously, even my small projects for class. I could write a book about my love and obsession for theater and acting...but don't worry, I won't. This story is short, and it started a few weeks ago while I was cleaning off a shelf in my basement. I came across my high school yearbooks, which of course turned into hours of reminiscing, instead of cleaning. And there it was, an inscription in the back of my junior yearbook, by a fellow drama nerd:

" the girl who can't cry."

It was true, I never cried. I never cried in real life, and I especially never could cry while acting. Not that I didn't try! As only a true drama queen would, I spent hours in my room listening to sad songs, reading monologues, and trying to connect with my emotions. And sure, I could cry alone in my room...but when faced with an audience....nothing. I faked it well enough, but there were no real tears. I even took a walkman (yes, I said walkman...I'm old) to school so that I could listen to Sarah Mclachlan's "I Will Remember You" before going on stage. At the time, I could think of no sadder song! And I even welled up a few times...but no real, dramatic, streaming tears!

Now years have passed and life has moved on from after school plays, lip syncs, monologues, and duets. But of course... I'm still a drama queen. So, the other night while home alone, I pulled out my old monologue books, and read aloud some of the scenes I had performed in high school. ....My dog thought I was amazing. Oscar worthy.

In the midst of my riveting performances, I came across a monologue that I had dog-eared back in high school as one I always wanted to do. It was from the movie "The Days of Wine and Roses." The monologue was by Kristie, an alcoholic, returning one last time to her husband, begging him to take her back, and seeking his forgiveness. The description read "She tearfully admits that she can never stop drinking completely." Well crap. That was out of the question! There would be no "tearfully" for me.

So 9 years later, sitting on my couch in my pj's, I read the monologue out loud. And without even a Sarah Mclachlan song playing in the background... tears began to flow. Easily, like clockwork! So, of course, testing my theory, I brushed away the tears, shook myself out of it, and started reading it again for a second time. Tears! Easy. Emotion. Easy!

Darn it, I thought. 9 years too late.

I guess at 17 I didn't quite understand what in life there was to cry about. I guess I had to live a little more, see a little more, understand a little more. I guess now I know that it's okay to cry sometimes.


  1. I love the idea of reposting something great from a point when there was no one there to read it! Just love it!

    And, I had the crying thing down in high school (and even had a crying monologue when we did The Foreigner). It was the singing that screwed me. Every Spring when we did our musical, I was banned from my usual spot at the front of the stage, and turned into some background prop. Killed me!

  2. at 17 i dont think any drama student really gets what they are reading and performing... I was a drama geek too- we read streetcar named desire. i liked it... but didnt really get the emotional side of it.

    last year i saw streetcar performed by Cate Blanchett. Absolutely amazing, i felt so much for all the characters, and appreciated it on a whole new level!

  3. I left you a little something over at my blog (:

  4. I loved this post then -- and I love it now!

  5. :) Glad you reposted. I agree--- I've found myself more able to cry as I've gotten older. More to cry about. More life to know!

    Sarah Ann (

  6. I was in Streetcar back in high school! I played Blanche, love that play! Would love to see it with Cate Blanchett!

  7. You.Are.Amazing. Absolutely amazing! I love each and every one of your blog and I a SOOO greatful to have you in my life now! Are you on facebook?!?! Look me up! Juliana M King

    A lot of us wrote letters to our 16/17 year old self--I see one coming on for you!

  8. P.S. I never get emails that a blogger has commented back to me on their blog--such lameness I know, but if I do not get back to you, it is because I never knew you wrote!

  9. Thanks so much Juliana! I just looked you up on facebook and friend requested you. Oops... I've sent a lot of emails you never got. haha!

    THANKS! ; )

  10. Doesn't that just figure! At least you mastered it now though. I think it makes complete sense why you couldn't do it on call in highschool.